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and because tonight has been emotional again, i am back on wordpress.

it is why i am posting here most of the time now.when i am in pain and i can’t speak i type it here.

tonight i watched my brother get bullied again.by a kid.

what the fuck is this

havent i gone through enough. even though he doesn’t appreciate me.doesnt respect me. talks back. and tells me in my face that he doesn’t love me i seemed to handle it ok. but why have i been standing up for him all this while even though he talks to himself like a fucking freak. and lets himself get pushed around my some unknown kid at a friend’s gathering. every time i have to see this. I’m like what is gg on. the effort to protect as a sister is being laughed at when he starts acting like an idiot in front of everyone.arguing back in string babbles of nonsense. what the fuck. i am so angry because it doesn’t do justice to me,

 

i want to give up so bad.

but i cannot. because the bond between us is blood.

lucky me. i should die.

my mum is full …

my mum is full of shit

nagging and ranting at me the min she gets home.

just shut up.

 

benjamin is enjoying himself watching me getting pissed off.

Different Love

I am so wrought with emotion.since last night. I want to stop it because I know others say that I’m probably leading you on.I’ve never been, every year I told you(I think) that I regard you highly special but not the one. I trust you.I hope and know you will never tell anyone till the time is right,when I’m comfortable enough to let everyone know.

Late night smses made me think a lot ytd as I snuggled under my blanket.I obviously feel like a bitch but then again,its the truth and I was convinced the sooner I said it, the truth will set you free and i hoped that it has. Nevertheless, thank you for taking it in your stride and for blessings.

I will never ever forget the times we spent together because there is a lot to remember. good,bad/ugly. sweet? thank you for being there(not always) but certainly in some ways I’ve never expected. I can never have enough to write about you because I think half the time I’m so pissed at you and when now I look back, it has been so full of so many things that I miss(and its partially because of west spring).

Maybe some like buying me candy. A movie treat long ago. Many lunch time treats. Drinks. Fighting, pushing, mocking. Erm. especially teasing. Nearly everybody knows and we turned out so cool with it alr. like (eh shut up la) or (*ignore*) or (*stare*) . haha. Thank you for growing up memories( because they are obviously not childhood but still of growing up the same). 

I hope that I will still continue to be a special friend to you. Because to me you will always be my special special friend.(I’ve probably said this millions of times). Of a different love. I know you’ll be reading this, so uh just thanks for all the memories and when you find her I hope you will let me know;)

i dreamt of darrell last night.

it was awkward

my agn fucked up brother told my parents that during our stay @the chalet i kicked his balls on the staircase and laughed at him for now having a single testicle.

wtf and my dad and mum asked me about it like totally believing him

fucking asshole i totally wished it happened and it’ll be a bonus if he rolled down the stairs also

so hate him.

i did not.